How to Deal with Disappointments
“Don’t let today’s disappointment cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.”
— UNKNOWN
Here’s something to ponder…How do you deal with disappointments?
Researchers describe disappointment as a form of sadness — a feeling of loss, an uncomfortable space (or a painful gap) between our expectations and reality.
One thing I can predict with confidence in this life: we will be disappointed. Perhaps we can agree that feeling disappointment can be uncomfortable? One reason is that it’s a complex feeling that contains a subset of other emotions like sadness, anger and hurt. Going deeper beyond feelings we may identify some beliefs we hold about ourselves (and others) and the stories we then tell ourselves about life, our experiences and expectations.
How then, do we navigate the landscape of discomfort and let down?
Awareness training helps us get comfortable with being uncomfortable…because there’s golden nuggets to gain, insights and truths when we stay open to learning.
Here are 4 tips to deal with disappointments:
Acceptance. This step is a lifelong practice and fundamental to dealing with disappointment. Truth is: I will be disappointed, I will disappoint, you will be disappointed, and you will disappoint. Life will be disappointing at times—but this too shall pass. It’s temporary. Sit with it for a little while and move past it.
Reframe. One of my NLP tools is a reframing or timeline process to ‘eliminate’ negative emotions. The gist is this: change the meaning by changing the context, stick to facts, check expectations and put an objective frame around the situation. You’ll gain a different perspective.
Mindful Self-talk. The more we self reflect and become aware of our internal dialogue, the better we can ‘coach’ and shift our language to more empowered communication rather than victim or blaming- statements. For example, “I’ll never get it right…” may become “It didn’t work this time, what can I do differently or what can I learn from this?”
Make a plan. Decide what’s one action you can do right now to move forward? Once we have acknowledged the feelings, reframed and paid attention to our story, it’s time to take action to move past it, and not wallow/ stay stuck. It may be in the form of self care, journaling, a physical activity or talking it out with someone we trust. The point here is to make a choice and decide “what now?” Otherwise, the risk is unfinished business that will repeat itself & become a pattern.
What are your thoughts on this simplified, condensed process? As you may notice, it’s a practice… and the muscle we’re building here is the emotional intelligence muscle. The purpose is to become a Whole Person, to heal the person with holes, to integrate all aspects of ourselves…To live a life where all emotions are welcomed, because we know how to deal with them as part of our human experience.
I would love to hear how you’ve dealt with disappointments in your life. If you will, share your stories with me? And-if you could benefit from NLP, Gestalt & Awareness coaching, I’m here for you.
To Powerful, Positive Change…Cheers!
Adela