Why Boundaries are Triggering and Why they’re Essential to Self-care
Question: Did you know that boundaries are essential to self care & self love?
This is a topic we’re exploring in my Love with a Capital L group and I received feedback from participants that they were triggered by the topic. Triggered, because boundaries are often hard to establish, to maintain, to understand…
So: let’s explore together! This will be a series both in the Love Group and in my newsletter/blogs-the topic is BIG and necessary to dig deeper for most of us.
Let’s dig in:
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
Why is it important to set healthy boundaries?
To practice self-care and self-respect
To communicate your needs in a relationship
To make time and space for positive interactions
To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy
Setting healthy boundaries — whether you’re at work, at home, or hanging out with friends — hinges on understanding the types of boundaries.
There are 6 different types:
Physical. This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be someone who is comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, and hand-holding), or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.
Sexual. These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.
Intellectual. These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.
Emotional. This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.
Material/Financial. This one, as you guessed, is all about your possessions & money. It is healthy to understand what you can and cannot share and how you expect your items and materials to be treated by the people you share them with.
Time. Setting time boundaries means understanding your priorities and setting aside enough time for the many areas of your life without overcommitting.
Barriers to Setting Boundaries. It seems obvious that no one would want their boundaries violated. So why do we allow it? Why do we not enforce or uphold our boundaries? Good question, right? Here are a few reasons:
Fear of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment
Fear of confrontation
Guilt
Not modeled by caregivers
Safety concerns in abusive situations
Still with me?? I know, it’s a lot. Next time, I’ll discuss the different styles of boundaries (rigid, porous & healthy), how to assess your current boundaries and tips for setting healthy boundaries with people in your life.
In the mean time….please let me know how you’re doing with boundaries and what would be helpful to know. Or contemplate and journal about boundaries to gain a better understanding.
I’m heading to Sweden and Croatia in a few days! I’ll write from there next. If you want to follow my adventure, follow me on Instagram where I’ll keep a v-log of sorts. @adelaraffa is my handle.
Remember: Awareness is the birthplace of possibility. Everything you want to achieve begins here. Stay aware, my friends. Stay aware. And set them boundaries…In the name of self-care, self-love and self-advocating. Do I hear an Amen?
To Powerful, Positive Change…Cheers!
Adela